grief 2

I frantically search for a pen, like that will make my mouth find it's way above these waters, making way for breath...
This is suffocating in a different way, some days I keep my head above water, some days I open my eyes only to find myself deep deep under before I have a chance... The choices and decisions in my day are so large and looming that I find my stomach in my throat even though you said strength would follow me and you said you were leading me... I can only get out a little bit at a time, even pouring myself out on paper makes me feel the sickness I have come to know well... Selah