friendship

And what is the intention of my satisfaction?

Is the means to the end all the gain of mine?

Will my heart ever learn the lesser, more narrow way?

Bubbling Brooks or deathly stil puddles, don't they both still spell liquid?

But if I claim liquid and then never flow; what good is that?

And if the branded way be the only one that bleeds Your fragrance let it be mine.

If the branches never get the gift of leaves and flowers, let them still bring a glowing heat to your skin, collide with the ax of your gentle love and feel te sting of the match that is your holiness touching me.

I ache to burn, even if it is the death of me.

It is a small way that follows the back roads to your house, and it is always dark when I reach you...

But that is your ravaging love, leaving the light on in the window to call my name as soon as iit touches my windshield...

I'll just sit here a few moments more, and let the sound of the name you call me echo all over my heart...

It's the sweetest flavor to be called friend, so I'm addicted to ruining my tires taking your dangerous backroads, careening down the twist of rock and dirt, all I can think about is the light I know you left on for me, here I come, wait up a little longer...

grief 2

I frantically search for a pen, like that will make my mouth find it's way above these waters, making way for breath...
This is suffocating in a different way, some days I keep my head above water, some days I open my eyes only to find myself deep deep under before I have a chance... The choices and decisions in my day are so large and looming that I find my stomach in my throat even though you said strength would follow me and you said you were leading me... I can only get out a little bit at a time, even pouring myself out on paper makes me feel the sickness I have come to know well... Selah

grief 1

And the pain is so thick I can almost see the blood in my wounds, I can't possibly be sure how long the healing will take... Only losing my firstborn compares to the level of heartache I experience now.... Why did I ask you to ruin me so that I would be good for only you? Is the tearing what it takes to make me lose my tight grip on what makes me human so that i can grab hold of what makes me holy? I cry myself to sleep and I cry myself awake...is this just what true Grief looks like? A literal sickness all over and a cant get away from my heart? And I know it's ugly and it's all the time, but this is the dirt that rubs the pearl that makes me gain...
I hadn't heard you in days and so I wrenched open my gut and pleaded with my life... And just as I was feeling hopeless you said, "I'm right here baby, I'm right beside you... ". Relief flooded me, I just can't last that long without hearing you... Don't do that to me... Friend of my heart...

morning devotion

I lay in a bed filled with the lingering fragrance of You long after our intentional time together has passed. And You make certain I am left always wanting more, Your taste moistening my mouth...

Oh Jesus, how can satisfaction cultivate such deep need? How does holy visit shameful and still enjoy itself?

You haunt me in the morning, demand my heart midday, sing into my sleep till I wake screaming your name... The name above all other names, too true not to utter out loud, a heart alone can't contain it...

Holy Spirit come, blue and translucent, your waves lapping at the corners on the shore of m heart... Twist around and in the labyrinth I've collaborated within myself; thinking depth was to be had there...

But Your mystery invades me, leaving a simple handprint on the shadowy glass I've made. I cannot hide from you, you are not incapable of any form.

Nowhere is too dark for your light... And knowing this makes me all the more grateful for the light. You could be so reminding of the darkness to me, to make me stay and be grateful. But instead, You speak about loving the light which pours gratefulness into my being; makes me never want to leave you, never feel you distant.

Oh how You love me, more than I knew You could...

A ravaging love...

Ours is a secret I love to keep, whispers and rhythymns I have yet to know... Long have I known you, hunted for words to make up an acceptable face for you... You are ever unraveling my skin, peeling away the self I once thought so righteous. You mark me with the mark of love, you cleanse me with the water of your mouth, you cover me in righteousness, unfamiliar tho it be. you kiss me with your kindness, oh lover of mine.
Mountains make me weary, weakness makes you come close to me... You said I wouldn't believe it even if I was told, things only my friend would know. Yours is a way I've always wanted to take, dreamt it, perceived it. Take me on that way, purge me in your wilderness. Lead with fire, carry me in a cloud, I have to have you, every way I can. Keep me seated in your love, keep me mercied in your heart. Pull me tighter, claim me closer, make me holy in your sight.


If you find my beloved, tell him I am sick with love...